My mother-in-law told me that she's already purchased baby stuff for my child. Thing is, I don't have one. What started out as a casual conversation about shopping turned into discussion about how she often goes with her friend Rochelle when Rochelle buys toys for her grandchild. And of course, she can't help but walk out with a bag of goodies of her own. Everything in doubles. One for Ken and me, and one for the also childless sister-in-law and her husband.
Then there is my brother and sister-in-law. "Have kids already so we can empty out our laundry room." Their laundry room consists of a crib, a vibrating seat and toys. All promised to us. All somewhat patiently awaiting their arrival in our home.
My father thinks he hints at it, but subtlety is not his strongest quality. When we went to Vermont in April, we asked if he wanted anything. "Yeah," he replied. "Bring me home a grandson."
My father-in-law and my mother are good. They don't pressure. Friends are good. They tell us to wait. To enjoy our freedom. But I see the looks in their eyes whenever the subject comes up. They want information. When will we start trying? Are we thinking about it? How much freedom does one couple need? When will the time come where I offer you coffee or wine and you decline? Let me bring my baby over so you can see how much fun having one is.
I love kids, don't get me wrong. And I would love to give my niece and nephew a few cousins to play with. And even though the questions made us roll our eyes and laugh at first, the more persistant it gets the more I want to avoid the subject altogether. Which is what I don't want to do. After all, it's a happy, not negative, issue and it shouldn't turn into a topic to run from.
So we change the subject. We smile and repeat the same answer. When we're ready, and no, we're not telling anyone when we're ready and going to start, so please stop asking.
"We were just wondering," they say. "No pressure."
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7 comments:
I want to have a baby soon.
Ugh! I hated it when my in-laws were that way to us. We got pregnant after being married four months and then it was "because ***'s (other daughter-in-law) pregnant you had to get pregnant" and "why are you wanting to copy her?" I won't say that my children were 'accidents' but they certainly were not planned for that time. We wanted children, but not right then, maybe after a couple of years. I, unlike the other daughter-in-law, did not get pregnant on purpose to trap my husband and try to force him to stop going out with his friends.
We both want kids soon, too. We're just not saying when.
i hope your octuplet dream comes true.
muhaha
Yikes! I'd start taking the Vicodin now if that were the case.
This is totally happening to my husband and I too. My grandmother has boxes of my old baby clothes stored in her house. My mom has a brand new crib and a changing table and some other crap waiting for us. Both my parents call our guest room the "baby's room" even though there isn't a baby. Neil's grandmother cries everytime she talks to me on the phone and says how much she owuld love great-grandchildren of her own. It's enough to make a person insane. When we decide to have kids is completely up to us and none of their business!!! Hang in there...
Your life, your family, not theirs. Take it from the ol' Balloon Pirate, start setting your boundaries now. If the in-laws are getting on your nerves about the stuff, tell them politely to sell it on ebay or a garage sale, and you'll buy what you need when you need it. And truth is, outside of diapers, onesies and bottles, there really isn't much you'll absolutely positively NEED for quite some time.
Same thing with the parental units--gently inform them that you feel like they're pressuring you, and makes you uncomfortable, and you would rather not talk about it. It's ok to let them know you don't want to talk about it. If they get upset, well, they'll have to deal with it. Don't let them bug ya.
And for what it's worth, I would avoid saying you'll have kids "when we're ready," because you'll never be ready. I've got four kids, and I'm STILL not ready. Instead, try: "when it feels right."
I'm at an awkward stage myself. My oldest is 23 and quite serious about his girlfriend, and I would not be surprised to have a grandchild within the next three years. However, my youngest is only 7. I'm going to be spending my summers watching little league games until I'm in my 90's.
Yeharr.
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