When will I know how to be a parent?

I try not to post much about my pregnancy. Of course, it's a huge part of my life right now, but I don't want this to turn into a strictly pregnancy blog. But I'm starting to freak out.

Driving home on Sunday, I felt the baby move. It was a little flutter, followed by what I assume was a kick. It was very cool. It just made this whole thing real. I saw the ultrasound two months ago (has it really been that long?), but actually feeling a kick? Just took it to a whole new level. And with that new level brought a little panic.

This weekend, spending time with my niece and nephew... made me think about what type of mom I'll be. I think I'm a cool aunt. I play with dolls and trucks and I buy toys when they beg and read them stories with funny voices and I play pretend. But then I go home. I'm not there for the important stuff, like disciplining, or cleaning up scrapes, or taking them to the doctors, or knowing how to stop a cry, or answering life's questions. My niece once asked me why I drink water all the time when it doesn't even taste like anything, and where does water even come from? That was easy to answer, compared to the rest of what she probably asks her parents.

I wish there were more books written by parents - not doctors - about what is right and what is wrong. Doctors seem to exaggerate and never tell you not to worry if your child is not walking/talking/potty trained/eating solid foods/out of a crib according to schedule. There is one answer for everything, according to doctors. Parents tell it like it is. Lessons they have learned from experience. "No need to worry," they'd write. "My child went through this, and turned out fine." That's what I want to hear. No medical terminology. No statistics. Just stories.

On Wednesday, we'll find out if these kicks belong to a boy or a girl. It's all just very overwhelming.